CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

 

CHANGE IS GOOD; USE IT WELL!

CHANGE YOUR PRESENT LIFE!

Now this is interesting. While we can’t change the past or predict the future, we can change the present life we are living.  We have the choice, every single day, to do what we’re doing.

I would love to sit here and tell you that I’m writing from home because I was so inspired that I quit my “other” job to pursue my dream of being a full-time fiction writer. I would love to say that I’m going to edit all of the negativity out of my life once and for all… and live happily ever after for the rest  of my life.   Of course, it’s not that easy. There are real life issues when it comes to living the present.  Personal issues, family issues and… well, life itself crowds the every day agenda.   If we could all just do what we wanted to do every day, it would be nice, but that’s not realistic.

This brings us to a logical question: What can you take out of your present to make your life more of what you want it to be? Believe it or not, there are things you can change to make your world more of what you want it to be. Too often we settle for things as they are, assuming that is how they have to be. They don’t. You have the God-given ability to cut things out : negative people, bad places, unhealthy activities and habits, and whatever it takes in order to improve your current life’s story. Just as when you’re editing the written word,  it’s not easy to cut things out, but it can be accomplished.

This is what we need to do in real life though… edit. When you’re writing your life, you can’t have everything in the story or it gets cluttered and chaotic. What’s important to you? Give your own story strength of character and integrity of personal choices.  You can’t control what others do, but you can control your own actions!

The past may be gone and the future might be uncertain, but we have the power to choose our “ now.”

CHILD ABUSE CONTINUES TO BE A SOCIETAL DISEASE for ALL

 April is National Child Abuse Month; The Great Equalizer... CHILD ABUSE!

Abuse does not discriminate by gender, age, religion, ethnicity, or social status. Be vigilant, be verbal, and be pointed to those who are abusers. SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT!

Indeed, it really is the one time that: ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.  My life's vocation has been to work with and help those who have been abused as a child or are being abused now as a child or teen.  The path continues for me.

Abuse can be delivered to the offended by sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Each and every one of these types of abuse is equally as damaging to our self-esteem, our souls, or our physical being...if we let it prevail. Whether we are being abused now or have been abused in the past, it in no way defines either who we are... or who we are able to become. We are what we choose for ourselves; we are not defined by what has been said or done to us!

The road is wide open, but it is up to us to take the first step. The abuser can not love themselves, therefore they are unable (or unwilling) to love us. It is never because we are unworthy of being loved. But do we love ourselves? Today is a good day to start. Be a person that is admired by being a person who values his/her own self-worth.

May blessings and strength find you.  

Happy is as HAPPY DOES!

 As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG… SPIRIT UNBROKEN, I am often asked how others, my readers, can become “happier” in their own lives. In the next few weeks, I will share things that I have said “yes” to and that has helped me to become happier in my own life. Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and happier overall. I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own wins vs. losses things become clearer and worth passing along.

Being Imperfect Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life even though they might be going very well indeed. “Perfectionism” for yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.

Believing in perfection Often we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching “perfect families” and “how love should be” on television and in the movies. It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best-selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again. However, in real life, it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects, etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself: No one has it all in spite of outer appearance! I know this for a fact.

Go for good Aiming for “perfection” usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all. Perhaps, go for good instead. Warning: Don’t use "good" as an excuse to slack off. Simply realize that there is something called “good” and even “very good” and that’s not a bad thing.

Being Yourself Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn’t feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited. Supportive people. Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person. Or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.

Supportive and life-expanding experiences. Change your environment from time to time. Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

Things you like It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive. Mix it up. Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it’s the other way around. If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time… alone. Creating variation and expanding your comfort zone regularly in small ways, is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt. Reconnect. If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive… then discover it again. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

Be Optimistic Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none. Ask questions. When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and help you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?

Start off positive. Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things: A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading, or praying... if only for a short time. You get the idea!

Forgiveness. Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier. You forgive for you. As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did…. over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil, and often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself.

Make a habit of forgiving yourself. Do not just forgive others, but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or years ago, you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

Don’t just take the word “happy” for granted. Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it. HAPPY… in life, work, and relationships.

YOU CAN'T FAKE THE TRUTH

HONESTY IS INTEGRITY!

 OTHERS MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU SAY, BUT THE TRUTH WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR ADVANTAGE  

 by Sue Brown

Sadly, dishonesty is everywhere… in all cultures, countries, and religions.  Lack of honesty is for many different reasons, unfortunately,  most dishonesty is for personal gain. The gain is either monetary or per recognition.

There are doctors who not only malpractice but in addition file unjust insurance claims, lawyers who think they have to be dishonest (misrepresent) to win cases, and similarly, there is an overabundant amount of dishonesty in the business world!  However, one of the worst forms of dishonesty is with those with that we interact daily.

It appears that we are afraid to speak up or address a particular wrong that we see or are part of ourselves. Who does this help?  Not the offender as the negative behavior will continue unless addressed. Often in my writings, I call this Integrity.  Integrity is addressing a wrong (or in most cases) doing the right thing… regardless of the outcome.  It is not always an easy choice but must be done if we are to make the World a better place for others. It is a daily struggle.

The interesting thing in this is that others might have another perception, another meter to judge on just what is honest and what is dishonest. And sometimes it is not easy to say that they were wrong.  A lawyer friend once said to me, “We lawyers are there to bend the truth so that it can fit into the law.”  Yes, he was being glib.  But, for some people, this is dishonesty, for a lawyer… this might be honest work.

And of course, the most difficult thing to be honest about… is feelings. Why? As humans, we have problems with both telling the truth and accepting it too. Sometimes, we are so close to it… that it’s difficult to see.  And then, there is always that personal agenda.

The truth is right and will always be right; there is no reason to be ashamed or afraid of the truth.

The Inner Peace that Comes with Understanding, Acceptance, and Life Lessons

 Over the years, I have tried to either lose or correct my own shortcomings.  It is a work in progress.  Still! However, each time I am disappointed, scared, or worried... I revert back to old habits.  WHY?  I recently realized it is because I think (believe) that others are responsible, (and sometimes affecting) the WHO, WHAT, and WHY of my existence.  Age has brought me to a new place.  I share it with all.  Each day that I am on this Earth I have learned a new lesson and for that, I am so grateful.

It is so easy in life to forget that we are responsible for our own success, happiness, and inner peace. 

It is often easier to blame others than to own up to our personal failures. Many people I speak with have difficulty in this area. It is always someone else's fault that they didn't get the promotion. It is because of a difficult childhood (past or present) that they are unhappy or not accomplishing what God put them on Earth to accomplish. Or...the most powerful to overcome is a lack of inner peace. Often, this lack consumes all energies and thought. "Why can't I be happy?" The answer is rather straightforward and so simple that it might elude us at first. 

We give happiness to ourselves by accepting equal amounts of credit for a job well done and at the same time, owning up to human errors in judgment and personal failure. 

 

It is not necessary to be perfect, but what is necessary is to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for our actions and place in life. If we are not happy where we are in life, who we have become, and what we are doing...we need to change...not the world around us.

Be proactive in these areas and success, happiness, and inner peace will follow.

WE CAN, WE WILL, WE MUST... CHANGE THINGS FOR THE BETTER!

IMPACT THE WORLD... MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

   Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people. There are those who hate their life and work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their life and work and see it as their "lot in life," and finally, those who love their life and work, and relish it. That's because it's their "life's-work."  The third category is a small subset of all professionals world-wide, but this group stands out because these are often the people who change the world for the better. They never stop trying to improve the lives of others... no matter how small the change.

   In my work as a writer, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with people who’ve made a true and measurable impact in the world. Each and every time I have met and written about them, it has been an honor. However, among this group of what I shall call "influencers" there are also many everyday people who have found a special niche in which they’ve contributed at the highest level. It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch. Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances, and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and often their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them. I have become aware that there are often similar key behaviors that set them apart from others. They dedicate themselves to what gives their own life meaning and purpose.

   Many people don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to pursue in their own life. While others believe in a life purpose, but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it. Those with positive influence feel otherwise. They have found that there is a purpose to their life and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their "gifts" into a message or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others. People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and light up a room. They are unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this particular time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path. They commit to continually bettering themselves.

  People who impact the world for the better know that they are not perfect. They understand how their knowledge isn’t “complete.” There are always going to be gaps, biases, limitations, and prejudices. But... they keep at it anyway; they are inexhaustible!

People who positively shape the world come from a “beginner’s mind” and a loving, compassionate heart — with an openness to see, learn, and experience new things on the way to being a better "servant" to others. They engage with people in open and honest ways.

Those with huge positive influence understand the power of relationships, connection, and engaging with the world openly. They’re not afraid to get “out there” connecting with others, sharing their knowledge and talents, offering their authentic and often contrary viewpoints and opinions. They know that positive, supportive, and authentic relationships are the necessary building blocks to anything and everything they want to achieve. They invest time and energy not in what is "wrong," but rather in what "can be."

The people I’ve interviewed who’ve made a positive impact on Society, don’t settle for conformity. When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions. They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted. They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live. They spread what they know.

We’ve all met “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas. This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset. Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell... they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They live the universal principle: “The more you give, the more you get.” They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in the world... and Politics of late... to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. Those who impact the world for the better are careful and wise with their words, actions, and behaviors. They operate with open heart and care deeply about their leadership, communication, and the influence they have on others. They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused. They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Here's to all of us changing the world for the better. No task is too small.

FUTURE GENERATIONS? WE CAN DO THIS, BUT WE HAVE TO BE TOUGH! IT'S THE WORLD'S FUTURE AFTER ALL.

BE TOUGH on FUTURE GENERATIONS! IT'S OUR FUTURE.

I try to keep up with many of my former students' lives.  Over the years, I have taught so many; I'd like to say I remember them all, but that would be a lie.  I do remember all of those with "promise" and all of those with "struggles" as they took most of my attention and heart during the time I had them in the classroom. It's impossible for me  to say who touched me the most.  Was it the ones that had so much potential, and actually went on to accomplish great things after they left me, or the ones who had overcome great odds and just getting them to come to school and eventually graduate high school had been a feat in itself?   I  can't say.

In today's high-tech society it is easy to follow their progress... or lack of.  Often they contact me themselves, my own email address has been the same since AOL's inception and my students have  many times told me..."It's so you, Ms. Brown!"  For that reason alone, I will always keep it.  Lately, it has not been difficult to track them down on the Internet. Sometimes, it's through one of the conventional social connectors: i.e.  Facebook, Twitter, or now they tell me to Instagram them, whatever.  I also Google them and see what's going on with them good... or bad.
AND...every once in a while, I am sent a news article that delights me or causes me concern.  Technology makes us all connected... good and bad news.

It was one of the latter, that has been consuming most of my thinking the past few days.  I was forwarded  news  about one of the students that had held so much promise. He was gifted academically, a wonderful athlete, a leader in his class, and was ultimately accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in the Northeast.  He has now been out of college for quite a few years. The article read that He had just been sentenced to prison for the next decade of his life... on drug related charges.  It took my breath away.  How had this happened?

His proverbial fall from grace not only astounded me, but made me cry.  He was a student that had passed through my life and yet, I felt like I had failed him.  I can't even imagine the raw emotions his family must be having. The feelings must run the full reign from anger, sadness, failure, and shame... then back to anger!  I know that's what I felt anyway.

  How dare he throw his life away like that!   Life is about CHOICE and with each and every positive choice we make we define who we are. What I couldn't get my mind around was how selfish this young man had been.  He had thought of no one but himself with his destructive actions.  Hadn't he seen that?  Where had he "learned" that he could do whatever he wanted to and not be accountable?

When we are given gifts and/or talents in our individual journeys, during this time on Earth, and we throw them away... we are being disrespectful not only to our Creator, but to all who love, nurture, and take care of us.  It is  hard for me to reflect on the number of young people who come from really difficult backgrounds and home lives and do go on to make the world a better place for those who will follow them.  There are many of those, but many "choose" to go the wrong way too.  This was not the first former student who had chosen a destructive path in their lives.

It is then that I wondered with guilt if Society, as a whole, has just been too easy on America's youth and young adults in the past two decades!  I am the first to acknowledge that there are many wonderful young people, but have we lost something that used to be present years ago, by giving too much and asking too little of them.

When do they stop asking for: cars, trips, and parents to "bail them out"  when they get into legal and/or financial trouble.   It appears that WE  have created THE generation of "entitlement" in our country. There is an unspoken ME, among many of them, that is so troubling.  We love them so much that we honestly believe the way to make them love us back is to always: give, forgive, and ignore their negative choices. 

Perhaps, we adults/parents are the selfish and needy ones.  It is difficult to have our  children not "love us" or even dislike us from time to time.  What I'm professing is that being  good parents, (coaches or educators as well), requires a strong backbone.  Being strong parents is necessary and we must be consistent, even when our "children" get older. 

 There can be no copping out because it's easier to say "Yes," or "I'll get you out of it," or "Here's the money for...," saying"No!" is difficult, but often the only right thing to do.    However, with this said America's youth in the end accountable for their own screw ups! There are always consequences for bad choices and always have been. They did not consult with us when they had unprotected sex, bought and used drugs/alcohol illegally, ran up credit cards, or dropped out of school.  We need to recognize that they can learn from their mistakes.  We did.

We can not cure the problem(s) of our country's upcoming generations, but we sure can start fixing our own mistakes in how we love them and guide them in positive directions.

  Right now, we can, and must, start by being stronger parents/adults and bosses/supervisors ourselves.   Give our children less and speak up about any negative choices in their lives when seen necessary.  Counsel, wisely and compassionately, employees when they are heading in the wrong direction at work and personally.  Being strong and caring for others is not a negative thing; caring for others is the right thing both for them and others.