LIVING YOUR TRUE LIFE

Be Who You Were Meant to Be

      We all want to learn how to live a happy life.  For a long time I wondered what it took to be sincerely happy and have inner peace.  As I pursued money, relationships, and career success, I thankfully realized that happiness doesn’t come from the outside; happiness comes from within each of us.  Eureka.

     It is something that is present all the time within you and me.  Imagine the layers of an onion being your negative beliefs, thoughts, and fears. As we peel away the layers, (what you are not), we eventually reach the core (who you really are). We are all here on Earth to find meaning and purpose.

     Learning how to live a happy life is not about locking yourself in a closet and meditating for the rest of your life. We as human beings are designed to set and achieve goals, so we need goals to feel fulfilled. These are all only a piece of the pie of living a happy life, but we have to keep in mind that it is not the external things in our lives that make us happy, but rather what is going on inside of us.

MAKING the CHOICE TO CHANGE

     It all begins with the choice to be happier, to start studying the commonalities of “happy people.”  What are they doing? How do they think? How do they face challenges?  Most people want something for nothing.  If your life isn’t as good as you want it to be right now, you are the only one that can change it for the better.

      We have to become clear about what we want in life and who we want to be.   We do not have to settle for mediocrity. Almost every limit in our lives we set ourselves.  Think about that for a moment.  Most of the negative beliefs we have, we have learned from society, friends, and even parents.

     These beliefs can all be eliminated.  We can take control of our own destiny and be happy.  We can shape our future, to be healthy and productive.  Now, I realize that we can’t “control” everything in life, but we certainly can create a happy life if we choose to.  

 Taking Responsibility

     You alone are responsible for your life. You may think you have “valid” excuses/ reasons of why you’re not as successful or happy, as you should be.  Guess what?  Our excuses don’t matter, because they won’t change anything.  Do you want to give your excuses the power of controlling your life?  Or do you want to reclaim the power that you’ve always had?  It is God-given to all of us.

      We can whine, blame, and make excuses all we want, but it will only keep us stuck. If we look at some of the happiest and most successful people, you will notice that most of them did not come from privileged backgrounds.   In fact, many of them had to face brutal challenges in order to get to where they are. The ironic thing is that it wasn’t their problems or challenges that held them back from a happier life.  The drama and problems we face in life, can help us grow as human beings if we have the courage to face them and get through them.

 Personal Growth

     Learning how to live a happy life is about learning how we work.  It is up to us to take control of our own being.  By that I mean our thoughts, our health, and the path we follow.  We can go after dreams and we can make a living doing what we want if we just make the decision to do so.

     It really isn’t any harder than that.  Learning how to live a happy life… almost happens on its own when you make the decision that you are going to be happy and not miserable.

 Goals

     When we make the decision to be happy, the next step is to set clear goals of what we want to achieve in each of the main areas of our life.  The main areas in life are: health, work, relationships, and personal growth!

Use the SMART criteria, which stands for:

•    Specific

•    Measurable

•    Attainable

•    Realistic

•    Timely

     I used these in teaching and my students would later contact me and say they still found them powerful in their chosen careers, personal lives, and future goals. 

      Metaphorically, many choose to sit in the passenger seat of the “car” that is their life. They let the car go where it wants to go and then complain when it ends up in a wrong place or worse yet, a ditch!  Successful and happy people take control of the wheel and steer the car where they want to go.

Small Steps

     Never underestimate how much you can accomplish just by taking one single step, each day, toward your goals.  Learning how to live a happy life is about focusing on the tasks that have the biggest impact on your life.  It is up to us to focus on changing our individual habits and beliefs.

     When we set goals, we then know the direction we need to go.  We don’t have to know exactly how you will get there, but you do have to take one step every single day, or as often as possible to make it happen.

 Action

     Nothing happens without action.  Don’t talk about it; do it! When you can take consistent action in the right direction and work on the most valuable tasks, you can accomplish anything you want.  Most people underestimate the power of focus, determination, and action. When you’ve found a goal that sets your soul on fire and makes joy pump through your veins, it will be almost impossible for you not to take action.  

     For me, it was improving the lives of children who face challenges and lives that are difficult without intervention.  I felt like I had to do it, but didn’t know where or how to start.  Quickly, I learned that excuses, fears, or obstacles could not stand in the way. It has been in the journey that I have learned to be the happiest.  I have failed so many times, but still I persist.

 Determination

     It wasn’t until I got this fire inside me that I started making progress. Something funny happens when you make the choice to live a happy life. It’s almost as if the universe conspires to help you. Learning how to live a happy life keeps coming back to the decision… to actually do it. Our lives will never be perfect and the stars will never accurately align. The “perfect” circumstances we need… will not occur until we actually take action.  It is each of us who has to take the first step.  It can’t be done for us.

 Follow Your Passion

     Most of us know what our heart yearns for, but we are afraid to go after it.  It is often the thing that we’re afraid of doing, but desperately want to do, that is our passion and purpose in life.  I remember a few years ago before I started writing as a profession.  I was afraid that I had nothing to contribute to the world with my writing and I was afraid of the fact that I wasn’t good enough.

     Fortunately, I stood up to my fears.  I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way of doing what I love.  Amazingly, as I started writing, dozens of people read and responded to my writing.  As of right now, tens of thousands of people read my words every single month.

     I sincerely believe that the fears we have about going after our passion are unfounded. They are there to challenge and to see if we are truly serious about living a happy and fulfilling life.  It is scary, but I’d say that living a life full of excuses and fear is worse than going after your dreams.  So what if you fail?  You are living the life of happiness… in the pursuit.

HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES!

 As a writer of a POSITIVE LIFE BLOG... SPIRIT UNBROKEN,  I am often asked how others, my readers, can become "happier" in their own lives.  In the next few weeks, I will share  things that I have said "yes" to and that have helped me to become happier in my own life.

Just by picking a few of these ideas, you too will be on the track to being more content and  happier overall.  I do not have all the answers, but as I age and look back on my own wins vs. losses things become clearer and worth passing along.

 Being Imperfect

Trying to be perfect is setting the bar too high. It will be impossible to reach and ultimately lowers your self-esteem. You may not feel very happy about how things are going in your life even though they might be going very well indeed. "Perfectionism" for yourself eats at you and your happiness. Embrace your own imperfectness.

• Believing in perfection      Often we actually believe what we see about relationships and families by watching "perfect families" and "how love should be" on television and in the movies. It looks so good and wonderful and you want it for yourself. Best selling authors capitalize on this formula over and over again.  However, in real life it clashes with reality and it can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs, projects etc. just because your expectations are fiction. It is very useful to remind yourself:  No one has it all in spite of outer appearance!  I know this for a fact.
• Go for good     Aiming for "perfection" usually winds up in a project or something else progressing very slowly or never being finished at all.  Perhaps, go for good instead. Warning: Don’t use good as an excuse to slack off.  Simply realize that there is something called "good" and even "very good" and that's not a bad thing .

 Being Yourself

Not being able to be yourself, always trying to change for others, or censoring yourself doesn't feel good at all. It makes life feel so small and limited.

• Supportive people.  Spend more time with the people who support your dreams, values, and you as a person. Or at least people who are not antagonistic and negative. Try spending less time with people who normally criticize you.
• Supportive and life-expanding experiences.   Change your environment from time to time.   Go further and spend more time with sources of information that support your dreams and can give you information that expands and makes your life happier. Accordingly, spend less time with negative and limiting influences.

Things you like

It is important to find some time and energy for the things that make you come alive.

• Mix it up.      Try something new, even if it is just something small, each week. Eat a vegetarian dish at lunch if you always eat meat. Listen to some music that isn’t your norm. Go out to a movie, café, or pub with friends if you usually stay in at night. Perhaps it's the other way around.  If you are someone who surrounds themselves with others, try spending quality time... alone.  Create variation and expand your comfort zone regularly in small ways,  is key to living a happier life. Boredom creates contempt.
• Reconnect.      If you used to go fishing, paint, or play the guitar and it really made you come alive... then discover it again. Use an hour for it this week and see if it still brings you joy and makes you come alive.

Be Optimistic

Pessimism can really limit your life and bring it to a standstill. It can make it feel like there’s no point in trying because it won’t make a difference or you’ll just fail. It can create ceilings and walls made out of glass where there really are none.

• Ask questions.     When you’re in what seems like a negative situation, then make something better out of it by asking yourself questions that promote optimism and helps you to find solutions. For example: What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation? Or what is the opportunity within this situation?
• Start off positive.      Good influences in your life can make a huge difference. Therefore, start your day off with positive things.  A good breakfast, a form of exercise you enjoy, reading or praying if only for a short time.  You get the idea!

Foregiveness

Forgiving is not always easy and can take time, but there are some things that can make it a little easier.

• You forgive for you.      As long as you don’t forgive someone you are forever linked to that person. Your thoughts will return to the person who wronged you and what he or she did.... over and over again. The emotional link between the two of you is so strong and inflicts  much suffering in you and, as a result of your inner turmoil,  and  often in other people around you too. When you forgive, you release yourself.
• Make a habit of forgiving yourself.      Do not just forgive others, but also yourself. By forgiving yourself – instead of resenting yourself for something you did a week or  years ago,  you make the habit of forgiveness more and more of a natural part of you. And so forgiving others becomes easier too.

     Don't just take the word "happy" for granted.  Live it, practice it, and you too shall become it.  HAPPY... in life, work, and relationships.